Open Threats

So, my son got arrested last week for grand theft... According to the police department it was a practical joke gone bad, the victim’s item was returned however the mother chose to file charges anyways. Not that I can say that I really blame her. The police came to my house to pick him up, and said, "We'll call you when you can come and pick him up from the police department." To which I replied "Don't bother you can keep him or take him into juvenile hall." The arresting officer replied to me telling me that, "Juvenile Hall will NOT book him." I looked at the office and said, "Excuse Me, you stand here and tell me my son is being arrested for Grand Theft which is a Felony, but that Juvenile Hall won't book him why?" Officer’s response was, "Well Juvenile Hall is now releasing kids from their custody early, in order to make room for more violent offenders. As a matter of fact just within the last month they have released approximately 300 kids from all the facilities County wide." At this point I am pretty sure that my jaw dropped. I then replied saying, "You know I remember a time that kids were taken to jail overnight just to teach them a lesson, now you stand here and tell me that getting charged with a Felony isn't severe enough to book him into Juvenile Hall. Can someone please tell me how these kids are supposed to learn a lesson from the mistakes that they make, if they are not being held accountable for them, instead of just getting a slap on the wrist and told not to do it again. What is to stop these kids from the crimes becoming more violent? The probation department doesn't follow through or even return phone calls to the parents that are trying to get their kids to do the right thing." The officer looked at me and said, "You need to keep your son away from the Skate Park, and from these certain individuals in which he was arrested with." I said to the officer, "Unfortunately I am a single mother who cannot afford to quit my job to be with him 24 hours a day, seven days a week. I leave my house at 6:30 every morning and am home no later than 4:30 in the afternoon. The only thing I do outside of work is bowl on Monday and Friday evenings from 6-9pm. Other than that is the time that I run every morning while my child is still in his bed sleeping. 9 times out of 10 he is home when I tell him to be home, and other than having issues with him forgetting to do the dishes, he does what he's told by me. I have the phone numbers of his friends and their parents; if I don't know where he is I can usually find him within a short period of time. I know everywhere in which he hangs out, and 80% of the time know what he's doing during that time as well. So what else can I do other than that?" The officer just looked at me and replied with, "Honestly Ma'am I don't know what else you can do other than that!" The officer then proceeded to tell me that they were going to take him to the station, book him, and then bring him back home when they were done. He gave me the option of going with him and I declined that offer.

This morning at about 7:30am I received a phone call on my cell that I did not recognize, so I did not answer it. This number then proceeded to call my office; it was my son calling from a number other than his own since his phone had died. My son asked me to hold on a minute. Then I heard another voice on the phone, "Hi Marie, this is Officer Morrison with the La Habra Police Department. We need for you to come and pick up your son." My response, "I'm sorry but I am at work in Anaheim and I have no vehicle in which to come and get him." Officer "Well do you know of any adult that is able to come and get him?" Me: "Yes but not right now, I don’t have anyone that can pick him up until later this afternoon." Officer: "Well you don't want us to take him to Juvenile Hall do you?" Me: "Actually, Yes I Do. It’s obvious that is the only way he's going to learn a lesson." Officer: "Can you please hold on a minute?" Me: "Sure" Officer: "Well since he hasn't really broken any laws we can't warrant taking him in, so we'll just transport him home." Me: "Well since he's supposed to be at school in 20 minutes you could always just take him there and drop him off." Officer: "Ok we will do that and have to the school contact you to confirm that he is there." Me: "Thank You"

Regardless of my issues with my son's behavior or lack of following direction. I honestly believe it’s going to take my son to hit rock bottom, or going to jail to realize how badly he is screwing up his life.

I have an issue with the County of Orange Juvenile Justice System as well. Please stop threatening to take my child to jail, just to get a reaction out of me... It will get you NO WHERE! If you're going to threaten to take him to jail, then follow through with what you say and please take him. If you can't because he has yet to reach the Violent Offender point, then please explain to me why you keep threatening to take him. It pisses me off to no end when you tell me that’s what you're going to do, for you to turn around and tell me that you can't because his crime isn't violent enough. Seriously!!!! You're only making it harder on yourself, not only that stop threatening to do this in front of the children who may face going to jail, only to turn around and admit that Juvenile Hall wont book him until he becomes violent. Seriously are you a complete MORON??? Sure tell me in front of the child that he won’t go to jail! Please try to SCARE him a little more, even when you arrested him last week you didn't put him in hand cuffs, nothing but pat him down and empty his pockets! Come on now the police did a better job at scaring me when I was 16, 17 and 18, then you are doing now. These kids now are far worse than we ever were in High School.

I understand that discipline starts at home, and I do the best that I can being only me. My son talks to me and tells me things about his life that most kids would never tell their parents. My son chooses to lie about the little things, instead of the big things. I know when he's lying to me, and he knows that I do, yet he continues to do it. Half the time even though I already know he's lying, his friends end up blowing the whistle on him anyways. It never ceases to amaze me at how willing his friends are to tell me what he's doing wrong, especially when they are the ones encouraging this type of behavior. I know from experience that there is no point in telling my son that he can no longer be friends with these people, because he won't listen. At this point of his life he believes that friends are the most important people in his life. Unfortunately I remember all too well thinking the same exact way when I was his age, and that my Mom didn't understand anything either. I can only hope that he learns something about his friends sometime soon. Before it becomes too late for him to change for the better.

Teen Drug Use

I came home from work yesterday afternoon to find my son self detoxing. While I was relieved, in a way it scared the hell out of me since I have been through this before with myself and my father. I was not mentally prepared to see this when I came home. He was sick all day and most of the evening. I finally got him to keep some soup down long enough for him to get some sleep. It was at this point that I should have taken a nap knowing the long night I was going to have ahead of me. However with my mind wandering so much I was completely unable to find some sleep until about 12am. Then about 1am he woke up again and was sick through about 4am. He was sleeping when I left this morning, and he called a few hours ago to say that he’s sick again, and if I could please being home some 7-up and crackers. While he dozed in and out last night he was lying on my bed and I was rubbing his tummy as my Mom used to do for me. At one point my son turned to me, barely opened his eyes and said, “I am so sorry Mom, I hope that you will be able to forgive me for all the lies and hurt I have caused you. I Love You.” He took my hand kissed it and turned over holding my hand wanting me to hold him like I used to when he was so much smaller. It softened me to hear him say that, but didn’t change the fact that I am very hurt. Not only hurt but mad at myself for knowing he was doing this to himself and not wanting to see or accept the fact that he was. I knew all the signs and allowed myself to believe that he wasn’t doing those drugs, not my son, he promised me those would be the drugs he wouldn’t do. A blind eye I had, and now my eyes are wide open, as I now help my son the same way I helped my father all those years ago. It is still too early to discuss anything rational with him, as far a therapy and treatment options. He is not thinking straight and is starting to enter the violent stage of his detox. I know this will come and go and the minutest thing will set him off. He has already called me to cuss me out because his feet are cold and he left all of his socks at his father’s house. I simply explained that those will have to wait and for now he can cover his feet with an extra blanket. It’s so hard to remember that I need to stay calm and not yell and scream right back at him, or hang up on him as his father did. His father has never had to deal with anyone or anything like this and doesn’t understand nor is he willing to even try. I think that is what upsets me more than my son going through this, is the fact that his father is not willing to do anything to help or to even try and understand. As with depression and alcoholism, drug addiction is a disease… It can be controlled but it won’t be easy, nor will he be able to do it alone. I will be finding him some teen based 12 step meeting that he can attend, so that he will know that he is not the only teenager out there that has had this problem. There are others like him and they will help him to succeed as long as he wants to succeed himself.
As much as it pains me that my son is going through this, I can only be grateful that he is making the right choice to stop this behavior now. He still has entire life ahead of him, and has not made it to the point of no return. He is still very young and can make the most of his life; he has always had big dreams and aspirations. I can only think that now he’ll be alive to reach those goals.


The following was copied from the Teen Drug Abuse Website. If you have a problem with a teen abusing drugs please seek help before it’s too late.

Teen Substance Abuse and Treatment

Being a teenager is often a confusing, challenging time, which can make teens vulnerable to falling into a destructive pattern of drug use. While most teens probably see their drug use as a casual way to have fun, there are negative effects that are a result of this use of alcohol or other drugs. Even if adolescent drug use does not necessarily lead to adult drug abuse, there are still risks and consequences of adolescent drug use. These negative effects usually include a drop in academic performance or interest, and strained relationships with family or friends.
Adolescent substance abuse can greatly alter behavior, and a new preoccupation with drugs can crowd out activities that were previously important. Drug use can also change friendships as teens begin to associate more with fellow drug users, who encourage and support one another's drug use. For adolescents, these changes as a result of substance abuse signal a problem in the teen's environment, and should be seen as a call to action for parents, teachers, or friends to seek help for their loved one.

Seeking Help

The sooner you can recognize that your teen is abusing alcohol or other drugs, the sooner you can seek help. Make sure to keep track of your teen, their friends, and where they are going. While your teen will probably call you a nag or become annoyed with the constant questions, it is more important to make sure that you know what is going on in your child's life, so that if a problem does arise you can take rapid action.

There are some things to look for in your adolescent's behavior that may be indications of drug use, which include changes in appearances, friends, behavior, and interests.

Indications of substance abuse may include:

physical evidence of drugs or drug paraphernalia
behavior problems and a drop in academic performance
emotional distancing, depression, or fatigue
changes in mood, eating patterns, or sleeping patterns
change in friendships
increased hostility or irritability
decrease in interest in personal appearance
lying or increased evasiveness about school or weekend activities

If your teen exhibits these behaviors, they may have a problem with substance abuse, and the sooner you seek help for them, the better.

Treatment

Once teens start using drugs, they are not usually motivated to stop. For many teens, drugs are a pleasurable way to relax and fit in. For teens, drugs also don't represent a serious threat because teens typically have the mentality that they are invincible. Because of this, it is important that parents and friends are involved in encouraging adolescents to enter treatment in order to help them achieve a drug free lifestyle. Without this support, it is unlikely that teens will seek help for their drug problem.
There is a variety of treatment programs for adolescent substance abuse, and when seeking help for a loved one, it is important that the treatment program that you choose suits their individual needs.

Treatment for adolescent substance abuse usually includes:

Detoxification: Detoxification is for adolescents who need safe, medically supervised relief from withdrawal symptoms when they first enter a rehabilitation program.

Residential Rehabilitation: Residential rehabilitation is for teens who cannot stop using drugs without 24 hour supervision. Teens in residential rehab are individuals who have continued to use despite knowledge of the risks and consequences, or have continued to use despite previous attempts to stop. In a residential rehab program, these teens can learn and practice new skills that will help them in recovery. Residential programs may include individual and group therapy, 12-step programs, and relapse prevention.

Intensive Outpatient Program: Intensive outpatient programs are for teens who have committed to staying drug free, but need treatment after school to prevent use and promote recovery. These programs can also include adolescents who have already completed residential treatment, but feel that they need further support in the transition back into daily life. These programs usually rely on support from friends and family.

Aftercare/continuing care: These programs are a very important part of recovery, and help adolescents to maintain a drug free lifestyle. These programs usually include family support groups, or alumni support groups of people who have also completed a treatment program to provide support for the adolescent in recovery.

These treatment programs are designed to teach teens the skills that will help them to maintain their recovery and to sustain a drug-free lifestyle.


Please if you or anyone you know is going through this or something similar, do you best to get them the help they need. However you cant force help upon someone who doesn't want the help.